well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
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