There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
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