So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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