You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
