a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
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