I think I am morally bankrupt
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Randomize
