i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Randomize
