you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
