Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
