I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
