i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
