My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
