Ambien. No doubt about it.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
