we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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