a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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