hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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