3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
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