So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
