a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Randomize
