I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
