she woke up with a sticky ear
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I'm sobbing to NWA
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
