Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Im part way to drunk.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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