I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
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