I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Randomize
