I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
