She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
