I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
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