The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
