the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
