so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
