So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Randomize
