I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.