I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.