PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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