I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
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Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
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Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now