I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
27 People Confess The Worst Jobs They’ve Ever Had
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
25 People Confess Their Terrifying Stalker Stories
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.