just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas