she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
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