Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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