eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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