stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
