Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
