Got a toothbrush?
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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