my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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