i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
