Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Randomize
