I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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