We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
