We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Less talking, more tequila
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Randomize
