Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
