just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
