This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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