I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
My bed smells like the plague
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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