Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
