I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Randomize
