update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
