he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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