So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Randomize
