is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
i barfeds in our rink
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
