you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
