im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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