i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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