It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
