He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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