I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
