i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
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