I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
